It is so very hard for me to say no to any missions trip that I have the opportunity to go on. God has given me such a passion for the peoples of this world. I love learning about different cultures and have such a huge desire to go overseas. From the time I was very young I always wanted to be a missionary, especially somewhere in Africa. I love to read about missionaries and hear their stories, good and bad. BUT, I have never felt God calling me to go full-time. I love going on short term missions trips though, and I have been on several.
Recently I had the opportunity to be a part of a trip to the Ukraine and working with Gypsy children. They are a group of people that are so despised by this world yet so loved by God. I watched the video presentation and immediately felt a huge tug on my heart. How could I say NO to those precious little faces. I wanted to go and love on them and play with them and teach them about Jesus. How could that not be God's will?!? Surely He would want me to go. Or so I tried to convince God, myself and Kyle.
To make it even more convincing, I found out that one of my friends was also going on the trip. Then, I found out that the guy who had led the trip to Cuba that I had been on a few years ago was also going. He is a wonderful man of God who has been a missionary for years and years and is the Grandpa of some of our really good friends. I grew very found of Mr. Jones on the Cuba trip and have learned a lot from him. I totally love being around him and he has so many stories, I could listen to him share all day. Surely that was God telling me I should go, right...??
It was a very long week while God finally had to pry my hands off of that trip. I found out that one of the days I would be gone would be my little sister's high school graduation. There is no way in the world I could give up being there on that BIG day for her. Family comes first, or at least it should. I haven't always put family first and I have regretted it every time. I never want to have that regret, ever again.
As much as I knew I couldn't go on that trip, I still felt my heart breaking and longing to go. I needed a confirmation. I prayed that God would show me why, show me something, confirm this in my heart so that I could move on. So not by coincidence, I opened up my "Esther" Bible study book that I had been through last fall. Out of the 11 weeks, I happened to turn to the week on timing. I was reminded of what we had learned about God's timing. In order for us to fulfill our destiny in Christ, we have to know when it's our time, when it's time to wait and when it's time to wait on someone else's time. In the mean-time, it's God time. We had learned that it's tough learning to balance passion with patience. That was it. That was my confirmation. I could almost audibly hear God saying to me "Lindsey, I have given you this passion for missions and for these people, but I need you to wait." I can honestly say, that in all my years of being a Christian, I have never been so sure of anything, besides marrying Kyle. But I have never had that kind of encounter with the Most High. It was all I needed. I knew I needed to have patience and wait. There would be many other opportunities for me to go overseas and serve, but this wasn't my time go. It was however, my time to stay and support my sister. This trip is a good thing, but I wanted it to be a God thing.
Kyle got home from work that day and I shared with him what I felt God had told me. That I was now confident in my decision. He told me that he had prayed that very day that God would give me a confirmation and that I would know. WOW. Is God good or what?!?!
So after all that and a slight meltdown, I'm not going and I'm totally OK with it. I'm still a little sad but I know that in the mean-time, I can do God's work right here. I don't have to go overseas to love on little children and share God's love with them. I pray that God will allow me to go overseas again at some point, but in His timing, and that's the way I want it.
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